Life can be cruel

I haven’t blogged in a while as I’ve been fairly busy and a lot of things have happened. 

I’m currently writing this at 7 months pregnant feeling like an emotional wreck. My first pregnancy wasn’t great and i had high hopes this one would be better but due to exceptional life circumstances it hasn’t.

I sometimes wonder if karma really exists. I remember all the times I have found an iPhone randomly and gone out of my way to get it back to its owner. Or finding money and trying to give it back. Aren’t good things meant to happen when you do a good deed? 

After losing 2 out of the 3 babies in December, 2017 really hasn’t been the best for reasons I can’t even talk about yet. 

All I really ever want is a normal life without drama. Sometimes I wonder if I seek it out but why would I? 

What makes it worse it some of the people you tell almost forget and will still carry on to not be very nice. 

I go out of my way to be a helpful, kind person. I work hard and try to remain strong for the rest of my family but when I look I feel there is no one to be strong for me.

My anxiety is sky high right now to the point I thought I was going to have to go to hospital due to constant heart palpitations. I didn’t, I just lay in bed. 

I am hoping after this month things may get better as we will find out a few things for the future. I have 10 weeks of pregnancy remaining and cannot wait to drink a bottle of wine to myself, smoke and start excercising. Who cares that I may be sleep deprived at least I get my body back!